My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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