Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
