Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
