fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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