i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
