Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize