she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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