1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
