I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
