She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
