she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
