What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
