I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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