While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
