happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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