Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
