It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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