i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
