I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
