tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
