just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
