look no pants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
