You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
