Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
