So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
