normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize