he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
