sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
