Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well you can't waste a boner
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize