O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
