yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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