I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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