i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize