This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
