You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
