the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
