Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
