I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
