I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh god it's open bar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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