So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
