wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
