So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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