I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
