Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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