Will you blow on my dice?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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