Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
