Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
