well I can't set my house on fire every night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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