Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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