My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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