just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just cropdusted the office
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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