whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You smell like stripper and shame
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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