I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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