Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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