barbara walters just said penis...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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