no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
