So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
