i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
