I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
