When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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