New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
