I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
