don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
