If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
