just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize