My first STD was from a foam party
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
