Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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