I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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