this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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