I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
