Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
