mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
