last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
