You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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