Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize